Comparing Yourself to Others Can Be Destructive – Just Be Your Best

Posted by Cassandra     Category: Just Good Advice

 

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  Albert Einstein

Different Friends Small Comparing Yourself to Others Can Be Destructive   Just Be Your Best

Each of us has unique talents and abilities. Now I fully believe that all of us is capable of learning, doing or being anything we wish to, it is just that each of us has different preferences. Because of these differences, we spend more time doing the activities that we enjoy and derive pleasure from. The more time we spend working and playing with a skill, the better we become at it.

Each of us also has many similarities. One thing that seems to plague the human race is the way we use comparing to make us feel bad. Hopefully, you can become aware of how silly and useless comparing can be and learn to use it properly to keep you on track. There is one situation where looking at where self scrutiny is a good thing. But first, let's look at this strange custom we indulge in.

Comparing is by definition the act of estimating, measuring, or noting the similarity or dissimilarity between two things. Comparing is necessary when deciding what you want. This is true for cars, furniture, where to live, what we are going to eat that night and so on.

But for some insane reason we tend to also use this as a weapon against ourselves. Once we compare ourselves to another person, we don't just stop there. We don't just observe the differences. We have to take it one step further and judge. Sometimes, if we are the one who “appears better off”, this judgment gives us a false sense of superiority. But more often than not, we judge ourselves, and very harshly, when we make personal comparisons.

Seriously, think about it. When we notice a person with something considered desirable that we do not have, or see another with something better than what we have, we somehow twist our thoughts and talk ourselves into believing that what they have reflects on our own self worth.

They have a bigger house

They have a more expensive car

She has a skinnier waist line

He has a better job

They go on more vacations to better places

Any of these thoughts should serve as a warning that you need to start thinking about all the many blessings that are in your life right now. The problem with allowing our minds to stray to the what others have is that we inadvertently shift from all that “they” have, to what we do not have.

Looking at what you lack is not a good idea for many reasons. First of all, when you start thinking about how you should be further along in life, how you should have a better car, how you deserve a larger house with a pool, how does it make you feel? I know it makes me feel pretty crumby. If I were to indulge in such nonsense, it would make me a little depressed and lower my vibrational frequency. It would drain my energy and joy. So why in the world would I do this? It serves no purpose to compare yourself to other, but it sure can do you harm.

And a lack mindset will bring more lack to you. Why would you do something that takes away from what you do have? The law of attraction works whether we believe in it or not. Every action you take brings you closer or further from what you desire on life. Why would you do that to yourself?

Apples and Oranges Small Comparing Yourself to Others Can Be Destructive   Just Be Your BestWhen you compare an apple to an orange, you will note the differences in texture, taste, smell and how you remove the skin to eat it. But you do not get upset with the apple for not being more like the orange. Nor do you get mad at the orange for not being like the apple. They are both awesome! Can you see how foolish it is to attach a negative, destructive emotion to comparing? Note your strengths and weaknesses so you can capitalize on your assets.

Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to any one, any where, just be aware that it is kind of crazy to do that to yourself. You would never say to a friend, “Yeah, look at that guys car. He must be way better than you to be doing so well. You will never get the things you want you loser.” Why not be a better friend to yourself as well? Don't say those things to yourself either!

Here are 5 easy things you can do to break this damaging impulse.

Recognize that you are comparing yourself. Becoming aware and reminding yourself the devastating effects this activity can have is the first step to freeing yourself of it.

Ask yourself why you are doing this and if it is helping you in anyway.

Make a gratitude list and count your blessings daily.

Enjoy what is going on around you. Take pleasure in where you are now and get excited about what is to come.

Make a “Yeah, I'm Good List” and write down all your assets. Any time you accomplish something or do something noteworthy, note it! Write it down and refer to this list to remind yourself how much you rock!

Remember, you are awesome. You are special and you have many, many gifts. If you want a skinnier waist, make it a priority. If you want a better vacation, you could research ways to go in the off season to make it affordable. You can get to where you want to be and there is only one person you should be comparing yourself to. That is the person you were yesterday.

When you look at where you want to go, and set a course, it is a good idea to check in frequently. It's like reading the road signs on a road trip. You want to make sure you are on track. But this is YOUR life. Do the things that make you happy. Be the best person that you can be. Make the choices that will mold you into the best version of you. Make the choices that will allow you to create the life of your dreams.


Look Ahead… But Live In The Now

Posted by Cassandra     Category: Just Good Advice

A TIME TO LOOK AHEAD

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The end of the year signals a time to look back and reflect. Once you have spent a little time in the past, gleaning valuable insight from your choices, both good and bad, it is time to put the past behind you. Don't worry, memories of things gone by will always be there, easily accessible if you need them as learning tools or for that warm fuzzy feeling that recalling great experiences can bring you.

Likewise, the new year signals a time to look ahead. It is a time for new beginnings, hope and regrowth. Think of the new year as the chance to plan a vacation or a special trip. When we plan a get away, we think about the many places we may want to go and things we would like to do that would make us happy. Would we enjoy a road trip, stopping in a different city every two days to thoroughly explore it's beauty? Would we like an exotic escapade where we fly to a far off place and see things we have never seen? Maybe a learning adventure would suit us, where we do a cooking class in Italy? Isn't it fun thinking of the possibilities?

DECIDE WHICH OPTION YOU WILL LOVE MOST

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Once we come up with options that please us, the next step is to make a choice. Narrow it down to which destination makes us the happiest and feels right. Have great fun imagining that you are currently experiencing the pleasure of each escapade. The choice may be obvious or you may have to rate and weight. Which one gives you the most pleasure now and which one would be more beneficial in the long run. Then decide on which glorious path to take.

Now, it's time to have even more fun. To make this incredible journey a reality, you must do a little planning. What do you need to do before you go? You will need to decide how soon you can go, how you are getting there and get your tickets or plan your route. You will need someplace to stay when you get there. You get the pleasure of researching the many fantastic opportunities and things to see while you are there.

Even writing this blog, I am dreaming up all kinds of outstanding plans for my next vacation. It can be pretty exciting to plan your future. And while you are looking ahead and trying to arrange things that are pleasing to you, think of all areas of your life this way too.

THERE IS A FIELD OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES

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First we must decide which direction we want to go in. What do we wish to accomplish in the next 3 months, 1 year and 5 years? What options do we have and which ones feel the best. Know that just because you have never done something, does not mean that you cannot. Your brain is wired to work one way, but with time and practice, you can rewire it and develop the neuro pathways to acquire new skills. You are capable of so much more than you know. There is a field of infinite possibilities that you can tap into where all things are possible.

A short hundred years ago, who thought we could have groups of people flying through the air, or send a letter to Russia that would arrive in minutes on an electronic box? Think it, plan it, do it; the formula that works. So get creative and have fun with what direction you want to go in.

A great way to figure this out is to ask yourself how you would be spending your time, what you would want to accomplish if you won $50,000,000 after taxes were taken out in the lottery. Go ahead, pause here and indulge in the fantasy. The blog will be here after you snap out of your daydream.

Whatever you imagined your dream life to be, that is the goal you should be working towards. Now, if you were to live this perfect life, the life of your dreams, how would you get there? Never, ever, ever, ever, think about what obstacles are in your way. There are only solutions, some more obvious than others. What do you need to do to get where you are going? Create a plan of action.

When I decided to start my television show, I knew nothing in that field. I had to research cameras, learn about lighting, learn to video edit because I had such a small budget. I sold the ads that funded the show, handled the billing, collections, office work, scripting the commercials, editing them, doing the graphics work and voice overs. My boyfriend filmed the shots I asked him to with the one big investment I made in the company, my 3 chip, digital Sony video camera with a 1:1 firewire ratio output. It was state of the art at that time and my pride and joy. I ran into many challenges, garnered a wealth of knowledge and I did it. I was on WFLX Fox channel 29 for four and a half years. And I did it because I always looked at what most considered a road block as a chance to slow down and increase my abilities, by learning how to navigate this path rather than turning around because it got hard. Excuses are easy to find, but they are empty. An excuse has no life unless you breath life into it by using it to justify not making the choice you know you should have and needed to in order to get where you set out to go. If there is a bridge out on your road trip, you don't just go home. You take a detour and keep your eyes open for hidden treasures you may encounter along the new path.

LIVE THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS

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Now that you have your destination and your plan of action, it's time to live the dream! You live the dream by fully appreciating all the wonderful steps on your path. Plan for the future, but feel gratitude for each moment. It is great fun thinking of where you want to go, especially when you are content in the knowledge that you really can do, have or be anything you want. Enjoy the time you devote to clarifying your desires. Embrace the time you take to design your future. The possibilities are endless and opportunities immense. Most of all, look forward to each and every step you take on this journey you are manifesting. Don't stay so focused on where you are going that you are not soaking in where you are. When you hit a detour, look for something special to see, do or learn and the intrusion becomes a blessing. Living the life of your dreams is not about a series of extraordinary moments, it is about making every moment extraordinary.


Looking Back – Reflect, Never Regret

Posted by Cassandra     Category: Just Good Advice

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THE VALUE OF REFLECTING

As the end of the year steals closer, it seems inevitable that we look back over the months and even our life, to take stock and make assessments. What goals did we reach? What obstacles did we overcome? Did we do enough, accomplish enough, improve enough over the last twelve months?

Looking back can be a valuable tool for us. We should reflect on our friendships, our relationships, our livelihoods and our finances. To move forward, it helps to measure the past. By asking ourselves if we were the best friend we could be, how we could have offered more and how we could have handled the difficult situations, we learn. Sometimes we say the wrong thing, forget an important occasion or handle a situation in a way that upsets a friend. That is alright, and if you have a healthy relationship, it is good even. If it is a true friendship, this person will know you didn't mean to make them cause them undue stress. They will also know that these “confrontations” do not have to be anything more than expressing your feelings to each other which will strengthen your relationship.

When we contemplate our past and consider where we were and where we are now, we should never measure ourselves by anyone's standards other than our own. The only way examining the past will be of any good to you is if you never compare yourself to another. Comparison is the center of all misery. It offers no value and undermines everything you are. You have special and unique talents and gifts. You are a unique piece of the jigsaw puzzle that we call life. You are needed to complete the puzzle. You are needed exactly as you are. You are moving at the perfect speed and you are in the perfect place. Why compare yourself when there is no comparison. Nobody is better at being you than you and you can never be better at being someone else than that person is.

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GROWING IS INEVITABLE

But it is in our nature to grow and expand. As much as we need stability and familiarity in our life to stay balanced, we also need variety and excitement. Different people need varying degrees of each, but we are all learning and changing every day, whether we know it or not and whether we like it or not.

 

So when you look back, measure what you wanted, what you got, how you changed, what you gained and what you lost. It does not matter how far you have come, if you reached your goal or if you stumbled on a better goal on your way to the first one. When we reflect, we are doing so to learn. Shining a light on our past only serves us if we become better people because of it, f we let it mold us into more caring, compassionate individuals and if we use what we have learned to add value to our universe.

There are many human emotions that simply do not serve us. Regret is one of them. We all have things we wish we had not done. So it is fair to say we regret those things. But there is a difference between thinking that maybe a particular decision wasn't the best choice you have ever made and letting regret cause negative emotions that will keep you from getting the most out of life. Once we have deemed something to have been a mistake, reflection will allow us to glean valuable lessons so we can modify our behavior and adapt so that we can grow. If we ever face a similar situation, that memory will surface as a reminder of an unwanted outcome. Looking at a situation or event from the outside to observe and learn has great worth. Letting that memory make you feel bad had no worth at all. There is no need to dwell on things that do not make us feel good.

THINK PLEASING THOUGHTS

happygirl 72Res smaller 150x150 Looking Back   Reflect, Never RegretOur thoughts determine how we feel. Pleasant thoughts make us happier. It raises our vibrational frequency and just feels better. Replaying thoughts of anger over something that was done to us makes us more upset, making us feel bad. It lowers our frequency and our mental and physical state of being. Every thought moves us closer or further away from our goals and our purpose in life. The more positive thoughts we have, the better our life will be. If we can look at our mistakes objectively and see them as having the great value they do, without letting the thought of them make us feel bad, we will move closer to our true nature of being in sync with the universe.